6 Steps to Befriend Your Anxiety
As we transition into this time of year, a blend of summer nostalgia, fall anticipation, and fleeting moments, it's natural for our emotions to ebb and flow. Within these shifts, our relationship with anxiety comes to the forefront. Anxiety is a thread that weaves through life, sometimes a subtle hum, other times a roaring presence.
This undercurrent of anxiety often reveals itself as anticipation, hypervigilance, and unease. Physiologically, it tenses our muscles, knots our guts, and quickens our heartbeats. At times, it steps into the foreground, impacting relationships, spawning fear, triggering panic, and hindering daily tasks.
Picture anxiety as just one part of our whole being. Not over-identifying with anxiety allows us to see ourselves with more compassion and objectivity. But how do we forge this connection? How do we welcome our anxious parts into our inner dialogue?
6 Steps to Befriend Our Anxious Parts
Somatic Self-Compassion Practices
1- Notice how you treat yourself. Often when we experience our anxious feelings, we may quickly disqualify ourselves or reject ourselves. We may delegitimize our experiences, and give labels like “I’m overacting again”. We may feel shame, inadequacy and a sense of not-enoughness. Just notice that initial relationship with your anxious part, how do you treat it? Feel towards it?
2- Shift Towards Curiosity instead of Judgement - This might require some grounding or a less activated state, where you can observe the anxiousness without having it take over. Inquire about the purpose and intention of your anxious parts. What do they seek to protect or achieve? Approach them with an open heart and a desire to understand, rather than labelling your anxiety as "bad" or "unwanted."
3- Notice your Posture & Body sensations - When you shift from curiosity instead of judgment, notice how that feels like in the body. Notice where the curiosity comes from, notice how curiosity shows up for you, notice where you feel more equipped to hold the curiosity, where in your body does it feel less anxious, maybe more settled, more open? Could be the tip of your pinky finger. Staying in somatic mindfulness can allow the anxiety to soften its physiological response, to better dialogue with it.
4- Create Inner Space: Practice mindfulness and deep breathing to create an inner space where you can connect with your anxious parts. Continue to be a compassionate observer, allowing these parts to express themselves without fear of judgment.
5- Establish Dialogue: Initiate a gentle conversation with your anxious parts. Ask them how they're feeling, what they need, and what their concerns are. Listen attentively, as you would in a caring conversation with a friend, and respond with empathy. You may even get an image of the anxious part, an age, a symbol that tells you are an dialogue with this part
6- Offer Reassurance: Offer reassurance to your anxious parts, once they express their needs, fears, and concerns. Let them know that you are here to support and protect them. Reiterate that your intention is to work together as a team, fostering a sense of internal safety and trust. Ask if they can trust in your leadership to find ways to move forward together.
Remember, befriending your anxious parts is a journey that requires patience and self-compassion. As you cultivate a relationship based on understanding and care, you'll likely find that your anxious parts start to feel less overwhelming, and you'll be better equipped to navigate moments of anxiety with grace and resilience. You will have better self-acceptance, embrace your own boundaries, and be able to negotiate your needs.