The Power of Pausing in Therapy

Ever wonder... What should I even talk about in therapy?

If you are committed to a long-term therapy  you might encounter this question from time to time. What happens when you’re unsure what to talk about in therapy? Often, the most profound material emerges from this uncertainty.When we let go of the need to have a perfectly structured topic, we create space for what’s truly present in the moment.

Embrace the Pause

Our cognitive mind or protective parts, often wants to manage the session. If we find ourselves unsure what to speak up, maybe it’s an invitation to explore more vulnerable feelings, or maybe we’re allowing ourselves to truly sit with discomfort without rushing to fill the silence.
This act of pausing is not only a tool for mindfulness but a doorway into deeper emotional layers that might otherwise remain hidden.
 

Why This Works

When we pause, we can:

Disarm our overtly intellectualized parts:These are the parts of our mind that want to come into therapy with a tidy agenda. Pausing helps us bypass these mental managers and connect with more intuitive, emotional, or subconscious layers.

Access deeper feelings:Pausing allows vulnerable or hidden emotions to arise. These are often the emotions we don’t get to express in day-to-day life but are vital for our growth and healing. This is beyond just an “update” on life, but allows for underlying themes that may not get to be validated in ordinary consciousness.

Break the people-pleaser cycle:For many of us, there’s a tendency to “perform” in therapy—to sound confident, competent, and collected. Pausing disrupts this pattern, giving space for the parts of us that might feel small, unsure, or less articulate.

How To Pause

When you feel uncertain about what to talk about or notice a rush to speak, ask for a brief pause. Use it to connect with your body and listen to what might be underneath your surface thoughts.
This simple act of requesting space can be profound. It allows you to settle into the present moment, and in that silence, something new often emerges—whether it’s a feeling, a thought, or a new awareness.
 

5 Steps to Bring A Mindfulness Pause

1. Recognize the Need for a Pause: Notice when you’re feeling uncertain or rushed in the session. This might feel like anxiety, a mental block, or a sense of overwhelm, or feeling you need to fill the space with narrative/justifications.

2. Ask for the Pause: Verbally express your need. You can say, “I’d like to take a moment to pause and breathe. Can we sit in this for a few moments?”

3.Breathe and Ground: Take a few deep breaths. Allow yourself to become aware of your body. Feel your feet on the ground, the chair supporting you, and your breath flowing in and out.

4. Allow Space for Reflection: In this quiet moment, notice what thoughts, feelings, or bodily sensations arise. You might not need to speak right away. Allow the stillness to guide what feels most important to express.

5. Share When Ready: When you feel ready, share what came up. It could be a feeling of relief, a new awareness, or a vulnerable thought that was previously hidden.

Pausing in therapy doesn’t mean being unprepared; it means being open.

When we create space for silence and allow ourselves to breathe into the moment, we often find that the most significant material arises. This pause can be a powerful tool in building self-awareness, deepening your connection with your therapist, and creating richer, more meaningful conversations.