Mastering Somatic Boundaries - Learn Your Boundary Style
Do you feel squirmy when it comes to holding good boundaries in relationships? Boundaries are a key component in creating safe, welcoming and secure relationships. However, this can feel like a confusing and intangible task sometimes.
Boundaries are one of my favourite areas to support individual clients and organizations to develop. Boundaries often reflect our self-worth and the safety we need to feel in relationships.
Learn your boundary style and customized somatic practices to feel more comfortable and empowered in your relationship.
Here is a recap of some of the boundary styles I cover in a the quiz. Boundary styles include rigid, porous and flexible boundaries.
Porous Boundary Style - This style means you may have increased difficulty distinguishing your emotions and needs from those of others. You may be overly influenced by the opinions and feelings of those around you. You may struggle to assert yourself, find it difficult to say no, and have high anxiety or stress due to taking on others' emotions or problems.
You may be uncertain of where you stand in some relationships, so you may overcompensate by engaging in relationship dependency and sometimes self-sabotaging your own needs. Porous boundary styles are like a bucket of water with tiny holes at the bottom, leaking everywhere. There is a lot of energy that goes into just maintaining the relationship. Take the quiz to learn somatic practices to support this style.
Rigid Boundary Style - This style refers to an excessive emphasis on boundaries. Often there is a reluctance to be vulnerable or open to others. You may find yourself emotionally detached and have difficulty forming close relationships, as intimacy may feel unsafe or even threatening. You might find the need to have a sense of control and value independence over connection. You may struggle with trust issues and have difficulty reaching out for support. Boundaries are very much needed for self-protection, yet rigid boundaries often make you feel more isolated and alone. Take the quiz to learn somatic practices to support this style.
Flexible Boundary Style - This style refers to the balance between openness and honouring your sense of worth. Flexible boundaries will allow you to connect with others and adapt to different situations while maintaining a clear sense of your values and needs. Flexible boundaries allow you to set appropriate limits and assert yourself when necessary. You are able to hold openness and empathy without the need to self-abandon. Flexible boundaries allow you to find more fulfilling relationships and a greater sense of self-awareness.
Am I bad at boundaries if I don't identify with the 'flexible' style?
First of all, boundary styles are not fixed and can be influenced by a range of factors, including past experiences, trauma, and cultural or societal norms.
You might oscillate between rigid and porous boundaries depending on the relationship dynamic. There might be circumstances where we need more rigid or porous boundaries. For example, for racialized folks, entering exclusively white spaces might produce more rigid boundaries. The sense of not belonging may mean folks have to hold back vulnerability and and not just give trust freely. This is a wise use of boundaries, one that should be respected.
However, at the same time, when our boundaries are habitual and unexamined, it make us loose meaningful connection. What kept us safe in the past, can become the default way we enter relationships or group dynamics. We may have learned to hold back trust or find ourselves self-abandoning our needs because this is how we learned to connect, even if the situation no longer calls for it.
If you still need support, don't hesitate to reach out. You can book a consult with me to see if somatic psychotherapy could be helpful for you.